Mew's old potentially very mediocre games

  • Tiger Hat

    I finally decided to post my freeware games…

    So before anything else, here are a few pointers. The first two games were first created for the purpose of the ‘Crappy Games Reviews’, RPG Maker games made bad on purpose so that a reviewer could make snarky videos of them, with most of the game being made up of absurd jokes and elements meant to baffle, startle, and otherwise entertain the viewer in rather strange ways.

    However, while working on an entry, my mind wandered off and my idea came to this: most of the humor of those games (and reviews) come from the absurdity. Why couldn’t I make a game that is genuinely enjoyable beyond the absurd humor?

    So I kind of… got carried away. The game (Captain Novolin RPG) ended up far too complex for the contest proper (being a full hours-long game). So I created a second game (Shyouzen Versus The Retards)… where I also got carried away. After completing both games, I decided that although they were not fitting, I’d still release them for the reviewer and players as a whole to play and… they actually liked them.

    So I created a sequel to Shyouzen Versus The Retards, one free of the contest’s limitations and with a more elaborate plot and gameplay system.

    I’ve been working on the third (and final entry) of this serie as well as a sequel to Captain Novolin RPG (Cheetahmen RPG) but I’ve run into hard limits regarding RPG Maker’s potential and figuring that if I was to use a proper engine for the games, I might as well create full original serious games, I decided to put the games on hiatus.

    Since some people have expressed curiosity at my games, I’ve decided to upload them again. I must warn that they’re a bit on the buggy side (especially the first game, Captain Novolin RPG) but I hope they’ll prove entertaining. Do note that because of their origins, they involve a rather large amount of absurd content, the games not being entirely serious, so keep that in mind (I’ve hesitated to actually re-upload and post them in large part due to this) READ THE FAQ BEFORE PLAYING THE GAMES.
    Q: How do I play the games?
    A: Unzip the games in a folder. Once you have done so, launch the RPG_RT.exe application. In order to run the games, you must have the RPG Maker 2003 RTP (runtime package) installed on your computer. The package can easily be found with a simple Google search ; you do not need the actual engine or maker, just the runtime package.

    Q: How do I play?
    A: All the games use the same controls. Use the arrow keys to move the player character on the map or the selection box in menus. Enter (both the central key and the numerical pad key), Z, and the space bar confirms. Escape, X, and 0 (numerical pad) will open the status & inventory screen if on the map and close it when in it, they also serve to cancel decisions in menus.

    Q: What’s the purpose of the game? What do I do?
    A: Each game is a linear RPG game where the goal is to get to the exit of each area. In Shyouzen Vs Retards games, the exit is shown through a yellow glowing portal or arrow. Captain Novolin RPG simply require you step to the edge of the screen. You can backtrack in Captain Novolin RPG but in the Shyouzen Vs Retards games, once you clear an area, you cannot go back. Though Shyouzen Vs Retards 1 use random encounters, both other games will display enemy groups in the shape of characters on the map screen, allowing you to choose your battles and to prepare appropriately. Every stage of each game ends with a boss fight. In all of the games, save points are tears through reality, forming a strange portal-like square.

    Captain Novolin RPG specific questions
    Q: How come Captain Novolin’s HP keeps dropping?
    A: Captain Novolin’s blood sugar level must be kept in the acceptable zone for him to not lose HP constantly. The bars under the party HP meters show his current blood sugar level. You need to collect one of every food item (but not more than one of each item) in each area for him to be okay when you reach the next area. If the icon in the HUD for a food item is red, you’ve collected more than one of it. You may choose to skip items if his blood sugar is dangerously high or collect more if it’s dangerously low.

    Q: Captain Novolin is useless! Why should I keep him alive?
    A: Two words: meat shield. Captain Novolin is an useless, stupid excuse for a ‘superhero’ but I designed the bosses to be very difficult. You will need him to soak up hits so that you may focus on offense instead of just healing.

    Q: Dreamer-002 never levels-up! Why should I fight normal fights?
    A: Dreamer-002, not being completely useless like Captain Novolin, is not threatened by sentient junk food and will not gain experience from such puny foes. However, killing them will still net you materials which you will need to buy equipment for him as well as give experience to Captain Novolin. Experience does not make him more powerful but will increase his HP pool and you’ll want him to have a large HP pool for later boss fights.

    Q: The bosses keep killing me!
    A: Use your special abilities. Dreamer-002’s auto-cannon and missile attacks do considerable damage and some foes will take extra damage from his thunderbolt Phaze. Likewise, be sure to use the healing Phazes when you think Dreamer-002 won’t survive the next round ; with Captain Novolin being so weak, if Dreamer-002 dies, it is likely he’ll go down shortly after. Likewise, remember that as long as Captain Novolin is standing, bosses will target him over Dreamer-002 more often than not so heal and revive him as required. Be sure to buy new weapons and equipment whenever you can afford it ; more advanced guns will give Dreamer-002 more hits per physical attack and armor add-ons will give him specific buffs that can make all the difference. Remember that every boss has a specific pattern, strategy, and weakness. Experiment!

    Q: The HUD is messed-up in stage 2…
    A: Yes, it is. I know. Can’t get it to work correctly, sorry.

    Q: A helper character went down and seems frozen! Help?
    A: If an AI-controlled character is killed the exact moment it try to move, it will be frozen until it is attacked next time it is revived. However, if the attack kills the character again, the character will not recover its ability to move ; it must be attacked and survive the strike. It’s a bug in the engine and I cannot fix it, sorry.

    Q: I’ve beaten the game! … now what?
    A: The game has a New Game + function that allow you to carry over equipment from one game to the next. Most importantly, it allows you to play Hard Mode and Boss Rush mode. Hard mode offer an alternate storyline, different music, and is as its name indicate, much harder. It must be noted that replaying the game will also unlock a secret level in each game mode, one being accessible only on a New Game + normal mode run, the other on Hard mode. Clearing those secret stages will give the player a fittingly grand prize. Likewise, the game has multiple endings, one for Normal, one for Hard, and the final ending for clearing the Boss Rush.

    Shyouzen Vs Retards specific questions
    Q: Shattered Joke and Shattered Joke-Hard folders?
    A: Two versions of the game. One is the normal one, the other is the ‘hard mode’ version. The hard mode of that particular game has a lot of differences (palette swaps for all environments and foes, much smarter and nastier opponents, enemies dodge attacks a lot more) and required to be included as a separate folder. As for why you should try out the Hard mode version… well, I’ve included a final surprise at the end of what would be the game’s end in the normal version. Do note that the hard version is REALLY hard though ; I recommend you beat the normal version first.

    Q: How do I get past (insert boss name)?
    A: First of all, though you cannot level up, the funds you gain through the game should be spent in healing items. If you go into a boss fight with an empty inventory, you got exactly what you deserved. More seriously… Phazing does not use up ressources and can be done endlessly. Every enemy and boss has its own set of weaknesses and resistances so experiment with each ability ; generally, if you’re doing less than 100 damage, you’re using the wrong method of attack. Keep in mind that some foes are vulnerable to physical attacks and that Shyouzen’s Unmaker has a random chance of insta-killing most normal enemies so don’t rule it out as an option. Finally, keep in mind that your helpers also have their own weaknesses, resistances, and special attacks ; if your current helper line-up is faring badly, you may consider letting it be killed and replaced by helpers who will stand a better chance against the boss.

    Q: What’s that weird blue thing with 999 HP?
    A: A simple training dummy. No, it doesn’t do anything. Just let it be killed. It’s basically a joke character.

    Shyouzen Vs Retards 2 specific questions
    Q: What’s the Trance special?
    A: The Trance special is actually one of the game’s main mechanics. It allows Shyouzen to project his soul into the surface of Nihilim and enter it. Within, you can manage the party line-up, swapping party members to match the situation, vent gathered negative karma to increase the stats of either Shyouzen or the helpers, and you may face memories of defeated enemies and bosses, including the foes and bosses from the first game. Although you will gain negative karma and funds from memories of the current game, enemies from the previous game will only give you money.

    Q: What’s with the weird grey and purple doors?
    A: Boss doors. Once crossed, you cannot go back to the area before them. Purple doors lead to the boss of each stage, grey doors lead to optionnal super bosses.

    Q: Why should I bother with the optionnal bosses, beside the extra challenge?
    A: Defeating all of the optionnal bosses will unlock the game’s true conclusion. Likewise, reaching that point will unlock the Boss Rush memories inside Shyouzen’s soul.

    Now for some screenshots!

    Captain Novolin RPG
    Novolin 1
    Novolin 2
    Novolin 3
    Novolin 4
    Novolin 5
    Novolin 6
    Novolin 7
    Novolin 8

    Shyouzen Vs Retards
    Retards 1 1
    Retards 1 2
    Retards 1 3
    Retards 1 4
    Retards 1 5
    Retards 1 6
    Retards 1 7
    Retards 1 8
    Retards 1 9
    Retards 1 10
    Retards 1 11

    Shyouzen Vs Retards 2
    Retards 2 1
    Retards 2 2
    Retards 2 3
    Retards 2 4
    Retards 2 5
    Retards 2 6
    Retards 2 7
    Retards 2 8

    Shyouzen Vs Retards 3 (beta)
    Retards 3 1
    Retards 3 2
    Retards 3 3

    Cheetahmen RPG (beta)
    Cheetahmen 1
    Cheetahmen 2
    Cheetahmen 3

    Download links:
    Captain Novolin RPG:
    Shyouzen Vs Retards 1:
    Shyouzen Vs Retards 2:

  • Hah! Captain Novolin, god that takes me back, did you see the speedrun they did of it at Awesome Games Done Quick @mew? Guy completed it in something like 10 minutes, I’ll look it out. I look forward to playing these.

    Oh, and all fear Dr Cheers etc.

  • Tiger Hat

    Here it is, video 188 in the stream, it was actually a part of the “Awful Games Done Quick” of Awesome Games Done Quick 2014.

  • Tiger Hat

    Yep, I know of Captain Novolin. The game is legendary for how awful it is but beyond how awful it is, it has an absolutely ridiculous plot and equally absurd execution which motivated me to make the game based on it.

    The game is indeed pretty short ; even if you don’t do a screenshot, it can be cleared very quickly. Most people tend to get stuck because of the non-intuitive controls and Novolin’s speed mixed with the large sprites forcing the player to take a slower, more careful approach unless they memorize the game completely from start to finish.

  • Tiger Hat

    Very cool, Mew! Unfortunately, my OS prevents me from playing them, but it’s neat just seeing the screenshots and reading about the mechanics.

  • LDG

    games made bad on purpose

    I used to make games like that in QBASIC just to amuse my friends. There was this level in a side-scrolling platformer I made where the second screen just dropped off into a pit. It was like trolling my friends for hilarity. Fun!


    Good luck with that ;)

    These look awesome! I hope they will run on Windows 8… so, who’s gonna do some “Let’s Play” videos of these?!

  • Tiger Hat

    They should run on Windows 8 ; they run on Windows 7, that I am sure. You need the runtime package installed (as the FAQ indicate) but given that’s installed, there should be no crashes.

    If you encounter any crashes or bugs, be sure to tell me (even though the games are completed, old, and what not, I’ll still try to help). Oh and… if you make a playthrough of any of the games, be sure to link me to them!

  • LDG

    IDK if anybody else has tried/failed to play the games but this might help:

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