Mew's amazing list of awards

  • Tiger Hat

    Howdy everyone.

    Mew’s here, again. My mind has that tendency to wander and reading previous threads posted before mine, noticed that there was stuff like an arena or maybe extra characters planned for the game. At first, thought of making a second list of suggestions but well, I feel it would start to be a bit much at this point. So instead, I will focus on a much simpler element: achievements. Namely, making funny achievements and giving them funny names,

    Format will be the name, how it’s unlocked, and a small description to go with it.

    -Progress achievements
    Conquered nations, felled by a lizard : Clear the Cemetary (regular exit) "What kind of warlord lose to a pet?!"
    You need a bath, little one! : Clear the Sewer (regular exit) "No way Sir Wizard won’t give you one after going through this place…"
    Have you seen my lizard? : Clear the Cemetary (alternate exit) "That Death fellow don’t look so tough, I’m sure Sir Wizard will be fine! Let’s go back to the wildness."
    Still got it : Clear the Forest "Seems those instincts honed in the wild didn’t rust too badly from living with the wizard."
    Raga, the Master of Unlocking : Clear the Sewer (alternate exit) "So this is what this key is for!"
    Art of Theft : Clear the Den of Thieves "You’ll remember the lessons you learnt here next time Sir Wizard refuse to give you a treat!"
    An Unlikely Hero become Legend : Beat the game "Death finally meet his match, no matter how unlikely he looks…"
    Paradox : Clear the game as Sir Wizard. “You rescued yourself! Wait, what?”

    -Survival achievements
    Need no glowy circles : Clear the game without using any resurrection circles starting from the cemetary "Your iron will and determination was all you needed."
    The one soul Death could not reap : Clear the game without dying starting from the cemetary "Despite impossible odds, you’re somehow still alive."
    Instrument of Karma : Clear the game without taking damage starting from the cemetary "Death’s punishment came in the shape of a lizard."
    Lucky collar : Clear the game without picking up any armor starting from the cemetary. "You need no goofy man-made armor to win."
    Sword of justice : Clear the game using your starting weapon starting from the cemetary. "Your mind’s the sharpest weapon."
    All you need is heart : Clear the game without picking up any equipment or inventory item starting from the cemetary. "All you needed was love, loyatly, determination, and an endless supply of swords."
    Demolition expert : Clear the game using the Boom Spear starting from the cemetary. “Too bad this world is not advanced enough to have any or else, you’d be hired as one instantly.”

    -Death 'awards’
    The Inevitable : Die for the first time. "You’re a pet. You’re facing Death. Duh."
    To the grave with you! : Die as a ghost for the first time. "Well, at least you tried."
    Persistent : Die as a ghost four times. "Keep trying! Maybe you’ll get lucky."
    Tenacious : Die as a ghost eight times. "Who cares if Death hold him? You’ll rescue your master no matter what!"
    Tragic : Die as a ghost fifteen times. "Raga’s sad, doomed, foolish tale will be told through generations."
    Foolish : Die as a ghost twenty times. "Have you considered buying equipment at Amberfall to give you better chances of this not happening again?"
    Mr.Graveyard : Die as a ghost thirty times. "You fill up a graveyard all by yourself! Congratulations!"
    Pathetic : Die as a ghost forty times. "Poets write sad poems about the agonized whimpers from your repeated deaths."
    Frail constitution : Die four times in one run without getting a game over. "You just can’t seem to keep your flesh on for two minutes straight, can you?"
    Easy to find : Die five times in one run without getting a game over. "Just follow the trail of lizard corpses."
    Masochist : Die six times in one run without getting a game over. "The resurrection circles are not meant to allow you to use the spike traps as recreative equipment, you weirdo."
    Oh come on : Get a game over from a spawned monster or a bomb in the very first room in the game. "You did that on purpose. I hope."
    Slap in the face : Get a game over after defeating an area’s boss. "Apparently, fate did not agree with your victory."
    Death waits for no lizard : Get a game over after defeating Death Himself. “That did not hurt. Not. One. Bit.”

    -Specific failure awards
    They’re as sharp as they look : Die by spike trap "They sure are!"
    Iguana-on-a-stick : Die by spike trap five times. "The wizard probably won’t appreciate your attempt at fine cuisine."
    Shish kebab: Die by spike trap ten times. "Death agree that you taste good with ketchup."
    Spike bed : Die by spike trap twenty times. “No, your corpse stuck on spikes painted from your own blood does not constitute art.”

    Wild lizard was caught! : Die by bear trap. "Give lizard a nickname?"
    You’re not a bear… : Die by bear trap five times. "… but you’ll do."
    Steel jaws versus flesh, round 10 : Die by bear trap ten times. "Why do this keep happening? You suddenly wish the wizard was here so he could remove it from your hurting tail…"
    I miss the wilds : Die by bear trap twenty times. “It’s not like being eaten in the wild but it does make your instincts as a prey species tingle. You freak.”

    My precious guts! : Die by mobile saw trap. "You kinda need them to survive. Bad trap!"
    It slices, it dices! : Die by mobile saw trap five times. "Hey! It’s not your fault those things are so bloody fast!"
    Pretty crimson sawblades : Die by mobile saw trap ten times. "You painted them yourself! With your own blood!"
    Darn it! : Die by mobile saw traps twenty times. “Apparently, you still can’t dodge them to save your life. Literally. Since you’re dead again.”

    Terminal disease : Die from poison. "If only you had found an antidote in time…"
    You’re green! : Die from poison five times. "Wait, aren’t your scales black usually?"
    The patient : Die from poison ten times. "You must cost the wizard a fortune in antidotes given your tendency to catch poison."
    Plague rat : Die from poison twenty times. “If this was transmissible, you’d probably be deadlier than any of the baddies you fought.”

    Splat go the lizard : Die from explosion. "Eeeew. Your guts are all over the place…"
    Well-done : Die from explosion five times. "You’re crispy and well-done! Nice!"
    The amazing exploding reptile : Die from explosion ten times. "Maybe you should be more careful around explosives."
    Southern deep-fried lizard : Die from explosion twenty times. “You’ve been reduced to handy chunks of crispy meat! Again! Isn’t that a hoot?”

    Pancake lizard : Die by ball & chain trap "And you were doing so well too!"
    Trauma-inducing hangover : Die by ball & chain trap five times. "By the time it passes, you’ll be back at Amberfall, in another life."
    Braindead : Die by ball & chain trap ten times. "This is what you are after having your head crushed yet again by a ball & chain trap."
    Chronic headaches : Die by ball & chain trap twenty times. “Nope, you won’t get to be a cool headless ghost no matter how many times you snort out your brains after being hit on the skull by a ball & chain trap.”

    THEY ATE YOUR BRAINS! : Die from a zombie. "You somehow managed to get yourself killed by the weakest monster in the game. Way to go."
    OOOOOOOOWL : Die from an angry owl or great owl. "Before you bother the birdies, remember that they can bother you back."
    Lizard stew : Die from a green goblin. "You apparently taste great with sauce. The collar’s a bit chewy though."
    Robbed : Die from a zombie grave robber. "He seems disappointed you did not drop five tons of gold and a treasure chest from nowhere upon death."
    Plant food : Die from maneater. "The next adventurer is freaked out when a maneater spits a lizard’s skull at him."
    Goddamned Bats : Die from collision with a bat or a dire bat. "The number one source of deaths in video games."
    Your tail’s on fire : Die from dire bat fireball "Whose idea was it to make fire-breathing bats?"
    Doggie! : Die from a werewolf. "Look at the cute lil’ doggie, playing fetch with your bones!"
    Grudge : Die from specter. "You killed him. He returned the favor. And yet you’re still not even. Bummer."
    Ghostly brain snack : Die to White Zombie. "You found a hidden enemy!.. only to die in a dumb way afterward. Way to go."
    Warlord crush puny lizard : Die to Zombie Overlord. “You’re a pet. He’s a eleven feet tall behemoth wielding a ball & chain bigger than you. Duh.”

    Slimed : Die from a slime or green slime. "It’s slime time!"
    Dissolved : Die from a muck monster. "Don’t you hate those sneaky bastards?"
    Just want a hug : Die from a face hugger. "What do you mean you hate spiders? They just want to hug you and eat you and… wait…"
    Sniped : Die from a lurker. "Stupid camping water monsters!"
    God those eyes : Die from a derper. "You’ll take the sight of those eyes to the grave. Literally."
    Death glare : Die from an ioi eye. "What is it gonna do? Look at me funny? Famous last words…"
    SHROOOOOOM! : Die from a mushroom. "Apparently, you can’t get high from those. Bummer."
    Brainy food : Die from a mutant zombie. "Your tiny animal brain didn’t left it satisfied though."
    Drained : Die from a wraith. "Fortunately, you have no magic to drain. Unfortunately, the wraith was happy to drain your life instead."
    Square cube law: Die to Gelatin Cube. "Unsurprisingly, a sentient cube of acid that eats steel can easily digest flesh."
    So close! : Die to Slime Crystal. "Who designed this room?!?"
    The limit : Die to Sewer Hag. “Don’t feel bad. No adventurer made it past her, ever. Not bad for a pet.”

    Blitzed : Die from a beserk merchant. "Well, now you know why no one ever successfully stole from those guys."
    Silenced : Die from Zombie Merchant. “He made sure you won’t rat out to the guild that he’s truly a zombie under Death’s control.”

    Statue : Die from a cockatrice. "It’s enjoying using you as a perch."
    You’re dust in the wind… : Die from a fire elemental. "More exactly, ashes in the wind."
    Gored : Die from collision with a minotaur. "Maybe standing in front of him wasn’t that smart an idea…"
    Transfixed : Die from a trident thrown by a minotaur. "Pointy ends first! This guy must have serious throwing skills!"
    Cyclops rolled : Die from a cyclops. "Didn’t his mother teach him that throwing rocks is impolite?"
    Taunting fate : Die from an ogre. "Wow! Did you see how efficiently he rearranged your organs? Maybe you should think twice before bothering someone like him next time."
    Familar situation: Die from a deminion. "Being rammed to death by a red demon that waits for you cross-legged… hmmm, nope! Never heard about that before!"
    Overkill : Die from a kobold sapper. "There’s gore everywhere. Eeeeew."
    Spread shot-ed : Die from a lava lurker. "Its camping strategy made you see red and now you are dead."
    Blood everywhere : Die to Blood Crystal. "The crystal register your death and then start scanning the room again for any others to process in the manner it just did you in."
    Outmaneuvered : Die to White Deminion. "I bet her claws blitzed through you so fast you didn’t even feel them!"
    Frozen lizard chips : Die to Gelatinice Cube. "Your frozen body fits right into the decor style of the room. One could mistake for a shiny gargoyle, even. Neat!"
    Death where is thy sting? : Die to a projectile fired by Death. “On one hand, you failed. On the other, only Death himself could take your soul in the end. Congrats.”

    Telefragged : Die from collision with Death. "Displacement of an object teleporting into another is never pretty. It will take hours to clean up Death’s throne room of your guts."
    Displaced : Die from collision with Death three times. "Did you really expect to run from death? Meanwhile, his cloak’s all dirty again from your remains…"
    Running toward certain doom : Die from collision with Death five times. "Death would like it if you stopped running into him repeatedly."
    Kiss of Death: Die from collision with Death ten times. “Turn out smashing your head into Death repeatedly is not an effective way to defeat him.”

    It works as advertised! : Die from your own Boom Spear’s explosion. "As you found to your dismay."
    Thick : Die from your own Boom Spear’s explosion five times. "Not very swift, are you?"
    S’plosion lizard : Die from your own Boom Spear’s explosion ten times. "Raga used self-explosion! It wasn’t very effective…"
    Self-defeating lizard : Die from your own Boom Spear’s explosion twenty times. “Death appreciate that you save him the trouble of having to kill you.”

    -Misc awards
    Let’s blow stuff up! : Obtain the Boom Spear. "And in particular, yourself!"
    Bravery : Buy the Boom Spear at Amberfall. "You got guts. And you’re eager to splatter them all over the place. Freak."
    Lizard in shining armor : Obtain Arthur’s Lance. "Oooh! Look at the pretty glow!"
    Zombie slayer : Obtain the Shovel. "It’s both a weapon and a tool! Handy!"
    BEES! : Obtain the Killer Bees. "Oh god."
    Yaaaaay! : Buy an Abaccus. "Now you can count! (Hey, you’re a pet. You never got an education.)"
    As the good book says : Buy a Monster Manual. "So THAT is what all those things are called…"
    I know where I’m going! : Buy a Dungeon Map. "Nice! Now you know where you’re going!"
    Why is that arrow spinning? : Buy a Compass. "This should help compensate for your non-existent sense of direction."
    Open sesame! : Try opening the entrance to the Den of Thieves with the Slime Key in your inventory but without the correct key. "It’s obviously the wrong key."
    More keys?!? : Obtain the Blood Key. "Inside of the chest is… another key?"
    I’m flyiiiiiing! : Obtain the Magic Feather. “That does not make you into a dragon though. Or cooler, for any matter.”

    Small steps : Save a villager for the first time. "Your first rescue! Maybe you may yet become a hero after all."
    To arms! : Rescue a playable character. "Now you’re no longer alone on your quest!"
    Heroes assemble : Unlock all playable characters. “Raga’s band of merry adventurers is assembled!”

    Die chair, die : Destroy a barrel, pot, or urn. "They usually contain nice stuff!"
    Barrel killer : Destroy every barrel, pot, and urn in every room of every visited area during one run. "The world will be safer from the evils of barrels. Or something like that."
    I can’t see! : Destroy all four torches in a given room. “Maybe you should have thought this more thorough.”

    Vision is an overrated sense : Destroy all torches in all rooms of a given area during one run. "Everyone know lizards have poor eyesight anyway."
    Lucky : Find the treasure room for the first time. "Look at all that money!"
    Lottery winner : Find the treasure room, have it be filled with crowns for the first time. “There is no lottery in this fantasy medieval world but you won it anyway.”

    Hope you will find them to be amusing and funny!

  • LDG

    Hope you will find them to be amusing and funny!

    hehe definitely :D We gotta start integrating Steam achievements soon, maybe we’ll use some of these! I think my favorite is:

    Let’s blow stuff up! : Obtain the Boom Spear. “And in particular, yourself!”

  • Tiger Hat

    I’m really glad you liked them! If you want to use any of them, feel free to do so!

    Since not everyone will be playing the game on Steam, I hope the achievements will be included in-game proper (not unlike the current ones).

  • LDG

    I hope the achievements will be included in-game proper

    They definitely will. We’ll probably improve how the achievements are displayed, too. Right now some progression (how many items you’ve collected, monsters you’ve killed, etc.) is only accessible from the Museum, and some things (certain achievements) are only accessible from the title screen. I want to make this stuff more obvious, so look for some improvements soon!

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